I'm sinking friendships

Is this all I do?

My lungs may fill
But I can't breathe
My eyes may close
But I can't sleep

my letting go

Hello sympathy
Tell me what you've got for me
Not sure I can take anything
That's when you give me everything

Hello sympathy
Come inside and plant a seed
Grow it till it's choking me
Grow it till it's choking me

I have a billion problems
Half of them aren't mine
It's taking too much effort
To keep on with this life

shirt.

And Friday starts.
You're in my veins
As well as things
I may not say
The sky is blue
The sun is out
I die to live
So show me how
A phone call here
I hit my knees
God, don't take her
Don't take her please
And he's in my brain
Often as he feels unloved
Oh my gosh, let me help you
You're hurting too much
If my best friend left him
If he made her do it
He's falling to pieces
And I can't get through it
And we're all stuck
Or maybe it's just me
But I have to take ten steps back
Just so I can breathe
You can't choke down forgiveness
The past has you caught
And I believe in you
Even though you do not
You won't let it go
And darling, it shows
Will you let me forgive you?
Will you ever know?
This life is a nightmare
And I'm wide awake
Did I get too comfortable
And forget Jesus saves?
The world is crumbling
And I keep on stumbling
On rubble from the past
The things that couldn't last
But if you would have asked
What would I have said?
Because I always was certain
That it was a yes
But now windows are shattering
And bad dreams are after me
And I'm not the one, you see
The one slowly dying.
This is the thought process that consumes me
When I'm cleaning the house
I kept myself distracted all day
Well, up until now
I just got out of the shower
And donned a new shirt
It smells like a hug
And helps with the hurt
He says he can't focus
Always beats himself up
Killing himself over
The things that he's done
And I can't find a language
One that would suffice
To put back the pieces
And change his troubled mind
And Hannah's gone
For quite a while
And Hannah doesn't
Like her smile
I keep the ringtone turned up
As well as my worry
Apparently, my only flaw
Darling, I'm sorry
I need something to hold onto
In this moment right now
My parents are gone
This is a house
And I can't talk
And I can't cry
I just stare
And hold my sides
And smell my shirt
The only thing
Right now that seems
To comfort me

I guess we're all one phone call from our knees.



Mat Kearney

Grasp.

My fingers absentmindedly trace the edges of the sofa at his house, and I wait with my sister for him to come back downstairs.  I walk quietly through the living room in a natural way, exchanging comments now and then with her.
"If you love me, let me go," goes the song in my head, and I sing it a bit without really thinking.  "If you love me, let me go."  Several times.
My voice fades out, and I hear footsteps coming down the staircase.  He enters the living room, full of life, as usual, lost somewhere in his own world that I somehow get to be a part of sometimes.  And he sings the song that must have been in his head for some time.  My heart stops when I hear the lyrics.
"Please don't let me go," he sings, hitting every note.
I don't look at him, but there's no reason to avoid his eyes.  He couldn't have heard what I've been singing-- there's no way.  And now there's no way he knows what he's sung in comparison to my subconscious words.
"Okay," my mind tells him.  "I won't."

7/31/15

"Amen," he finishes.  "Now," he starts to add, as our eyes remain closed, "focus on the Holy Spirit. And try to think of what God is telling you you need to trust Him with more."

I can't cry. My eyes are already wet.
I can't cry.

My friends.

There.
Fine.

...

Her.

The water floods like scars broke a dam, and that's it.  My mind shuts off.

I'm done with this.

to let go of a flashback

All those times
Forgetting you
I couldn't, though I wanted to.

day one.

That's where promises were made

And I'm where they were broken