I had more to say

But I don't think I can word it



If I wasn't alive
She'd be happy tonight

I wonder if they ever hear me
Yelling at my wall in the middle of the night
Sobbing into the emptiness
And know their sister's not alright

I wonder if they ever worry
I wonder if that's the reason why
Isaac comes to hug me in the morning
When I'm still in bed a quarter to nine

It's why he asked if I was okay last night
Who am I kidding, he saw it in my eyes
No, my dear, I'm not alright
But I would never tell you, right?

Ethan comes to cheer me up with a frozen banana
He literally said, "eat it when you're depressed"
I guess being strong for them isn't working that well
I wish I knew I could say I was trying my best

But I'm sick and tired of her fake smiles
Something's always wrong, and I've failed as a friend
What's freaking wrong with me, why can't I fix this?
I'm losing my mind here, but I can pretend

I am always stressing my sister out
I'm sorry you have to drive us after Fuze, but I wanna see him
She tries to pretend that it isn't my fault
When you go to college, I won't be as big of a problem

Then there's her, the girl who fell off the face of the earth
Haven't seen her in weeks, I was supposed to see her every Friday
I try not to tell myself that anything could have happened
Even though anything could have, but it's no use to say

So I come home last night to another rule my parents made
Which wasn't that bad, but it still rubbed me the wrong way
Haven't heard from him, it's fine
I hardly slept last night

Give up on closing my eyes
Talk aloud in exasperation
I know why everything's so messed up
But that doesn't help my situation

"I wouldn't mind if I weren't alive"
But I won't say the words, 'cause I know it's a lie
"You've got a whole future ahead of you"
"Yeah, full of stuff that you don't want to do

Like putting your hands on a steering wheel,
Taking your drivers test, and a bunch of other tests
That determine your worth as a human being
Getting a job, paying tax, getting insurance--"

That's when it gets to the point
Where I have to tell my negative thoughts
To sit down and shut up, aloud
Then I close my eyes, it's worth another shot

Already prayed about it, God'll come through
Been out of enough Hells to know that that's true
But man, it just sucks, it really just does
Being emotionally impaired;
One day the rain will let up