Part I

You know, I've still got our picture sitting on my desk
I know this hurts me too much, but I'm trying my best
I mean, what do you say to the knife in your chest
When you're not sure if the hand responsible is yours or your friend's?
We could've tried harder
We should've got farther
Maybe we would've seen the sun had no one tried to play the martyr
But I wait in my agony
As you don't even look at me
I'm trying to compensate for your lack of words,
But I just hear myself when I speak
Do you know that it's killing me?
Do you remember your Emily?
Did you forget we were best friends
And did I drown in all your history?
Do you even think anything went wrong?
I can't say.
Now my sister's reading my whole family a note that starts, "dear Mom and Dad"
Glad she decided to share with all of us, but she's leaving and it's sad
You know, I try to keep my head up
And I'm trying not to choke us
When my sarcasm slips out, and I sound too bitter
When I throw down my plans and I call myself quitter
I realize I'm crying out in pain
I'm screaming out for help
Begging someone else to save me
'Cause I know I can't save myself
And I'm relating to songs I don't want to relate to
I know everyone can say, "I didn't mean to betray you"
I'm sure they most all have the right, but that's not what I go through
I can't be much more than this, I'm sorry I couldn't save you
After the mission-treat, I thought, "I'm alright but it'll get worse"
Well, those thoughts echoed into the future and now they're thoughts I've heard
Because I watched how this plays out and I've got to say, it hurts
But everyone says everything hurts, so I'll just say there are no words
My brain tries to find a way to blame myself,
Because I'm so tired of being mad
I'm so tired of having anything against anyone who messed up bad
I don't want to look at the girl who used to be my best friend and think, "remember what we had?"
I don't want to fall apart in front of people that caused nightmares in the past
So I try to turn it inward,
Maybe it's my fault they broke up
Maybe I said something wrong to a friend
Maybe I left someone in the dust
And maybe I'll make a list of all the reasons I'm to blame
Maybe I was born a blonde and maybe people never change
'Cause you can't do that forever, it doesn't work
So you just stick it out and don't examine your worth
You start relating to The Fray, you're not ashamed you fell in love
You lose a bunch of friends and you keep your head up.