Pepsi

Swiping through my pictures to find some to delete
Because my phone is once again "running out of space"
Just like my aching brain
Boy, does it ache
I'm thinking about less than six months
What do you say to someone whose mother is dying?
What do you say when the someone is your closest friend?
Your childhood playmate?
Your writing partner?
Your support?
There are no words.
So I pray until my head aches
Singing with a trembling voice,
"You give and take away"
And I'm thinking about Alex
A whole lot
I wonder what he did today
I hope someone hugged him for me
I hope he got smiles
I hope people realize how extraordinary he is
But I'm still swiping through these pictures
Deleting some of the ones of my puppy
I get my storage back, we're good
Then I come across a picture of you
And I freeze
It's a blurry picture
The room is dark
You're just sitting there, drinking your Pepsi
Nothing really, if you didn't mean the world to me
But I stare at this picture forever
That's when I start crying, love
Because you love, love, love
And I don't know what I did to deserve it
I think about how others perceive me and I think about helping Baylie and I think about Mrs. Vike and I think about being a better friend and I think about Hannah and I think about if Alex is alright and I think about Shelby and I think about missing people and I think about Rebekah and I think and I think and the world crumbles around me, but as I look at this picture of you, all I can think is,
"My steady."
Because troubled minds don't call for grammar, and that's what you are to me
My steady
My consistent
God is my foundation, but He gave me you, and you keep me sane
And to be honest,
I still can't believe I have you
So my cheek is still wet from the tears
Can't help but wish that you were here
Don't you dare ever think for a second that you don't make a dent in my crazy sadness
How could I do this without you?
Please go to sleep soon
My steady, I love you