When I was younger, and bad things happened,

I heard my mom and hers talking

About having to fit time to cry into their schedules

They always understood each other

 

One of them is gone now

And my mom tells me at the kitchen table

That she's scheduling time to cry later

We go in circles, don't we?

We just lose things along the way

swords

Algebra 2 test, I am ready to die
Can't hear a bloody echo but the screams in my mind
And I wish I could say sorry for my thousands of crimes
You're wearing Dad's old shirt to sleep and it's all only a lie

I'll come back alive to write on my grave
"Defender of the gossips and the kids who weren't saved"
I was the little girl who cared when you cried the night away
They're spitting venom at my heart, but it looks like lemonade

(I'm sorry)

Last year took a turn for the worse
I made it out alive, or so say the newspapers
But no one really asked, so I can't be all that sure
No one asks the questions to which they're sure they've got the answers

She dried his flowers and they're left in my room
'Cause I couldn't say goodbye, it all happened too soon
Steven's coming down the steps to comfort me and you
We're crying blood straight from our hearts and I think it's still pumping through

(It's over)

"Emily, it wasn't you, let it go," says the mob
But it's hard to let it go when someone else still holds on
Hard to imagine, isn't it? That the sword is still drawn
And I still feel it all over because the past isn't gone

Someone help me, my mind's a scary place
I know that she's gone, but I can still see her face
I'm blacking out now in the shower and I've got to escape
Because my brain still holds against me what I cannot erase

(Don't hurt me)

My older brother, and he isn't alright
But you figure no one is when you step into the light
We're hiding scars and silhouettes of the struggles in our minds
You wake up from another nightmare and they tell you that it's fine

Someone find me, someone find me today
I can't breathe in this ocean of unwanted space
I know they think that I am occupied from miles away
But I am begging for a lantern in this season of gray

(Please wake up)

And I won't see my sister at Fuze tonight
They tell me I'll forget, but it's branded in my mind
I'm just here to care about people and then be left behind
I wish that they could see the world from my set of eyes

Love, I don't know why you read this blog
I promise one day I will learn just how to move on
But I can't focus and my head is still saying there's something wrong
And I'm trying to be brave, but I'm not all that strong

(I'm sorry)

I'm doing chemistry instead of going to sleep
Someone remind me why I'm doing this, please
I'm coughing all night, a metaphor, I can't breathe
I just want to be loved, now my brain cannot see

And I try and I try just to get it all through
And I toss in my sleep 'cause I'm thinking of you
Where's my reason to live? I got lost in the moves
I hope Isaac can't hear me sob from his room

name

What if I lost my name,
What if it flew away?
I would notice it's missing,
But I wonder, would they?
No reason to go
Is a good reason to stay
Or it's the other way around,
So they say
But I make promises to the mirror,
And it makes promises back
Is it the words through the cell phone
Or through mouths that I lack?
Is it easy to screw up,
Or am I just good at that?
Do you cry out for help
With your head under attack?
I remember the days
When I saw it all through
Before everyone burst
And nobody knew
Are their eyes still closed,
Or am I out of tune?
Do they see that I'm screaming,
Or should I point that out, too?
You can't tell yourself
To stop bleeding
It stays with you like a song
I wonder how to keep breathing
I wonder what it's like to belong

Part II

My love, I look at the sky when I get home at night and exit the car
And I get so absorbed in all of the light and the shapes as I look at the stars
I always look for Orion and know he's taking care of me, just like you said
Because when two are apart they look at the stars so the distance might seem like pretend
One day we'll run away and catch the moon, right?
Much as I love this place, I wanna go
Maybe somewhere no one will have the chance to ignore us
Doesn't really matter, since with you I'm at home

There's this new Rob Thomas song on the radio,
It makes me wanna cry
I'm all for you, love, I'm sticking around
Long as I've got you by my side

Part I

You know, I've still got our picture sitting on my desk
I know this hurts me too much, but I'm trying my best
I mean, what do you say to the knife in your chest
When you're not sure if the hand responsible is yours or your friend's?
We could've tried harder
We should've got farther
Maybe we would've seen the sun had no one tried to play the martyr
But I wait in my agony
As you don't even look at me
I'm trying to compensate for your lack of words,
But I just hear myself when I speak
Do you know that it's killing me?
Do you remember your Emily?
Did you forget we were best friends
And did I drown in all your history?
Do you even think anything went wrong?
I can't say.
Now my sister's reading my whole family a note that starts, "dear Mom and Dad"
Glad she decided to share with all of us, but she's leaving and it's sad
You know, I try to keep my head up
And I'm trying not to choke us
When my sarcasm slips out, and I sound too bitter
When I throw down my plans and I call myself quitter
I realize I'm crying out in pain
I'm screaming out for help
Begging someone else to save me
'Cause I know I can't save myself
And I'm relating to songs I don't want to relate to
I know everyone can say, "I didn't mean to betray you"
I'm sure they most all have the right, but that's not what I go through
I can't be much more than this, I'm sorry I couldn't save you
After the mission-treat, I thought, "I'm alright but it'll get worse"
Well, those thoughts echoed into the future and now they're thoughts I've heard
Because I watched how this plays out and I've got to say, it hurts
But everyone says everything hurts, so I'll just say there are no words
My brain tries to find a way to blame myself,
Because I'm so tired of being mad
I'm so tired of having anything against anyone who messed up bad
I don't want to look at the girl who used to be my best friend and think, "remember what we had?"
I don't want to fall apart in front of people that caused nightmares in the past
So I try to turn it inward,
Maybe it's my fault they broke up
Maybe I said something wrong to a friend
Maybe I left someone in the dust
And maybe I'll make a list of all the reasons I'm to blame
Maybe I was born a blonde and maybe people never change
'Cause you can't do that forever, it doesn't work
So you just stick it out and don't examine your worth
You start relating to The Fray, you're not ashamed you fell in love
You lose a bunch of friends and you keep your head up.

I miss you at four in the morning
My eyes hurt with tiredness
I get on this phone since my head's too awake
But no one's posted on their blogs, so here I am, love
I don't imagine I'll make much sense
All I know is that I miss you
I've realized that I haven't known true warmth till I've been in your arms
Because I can kill my shivers with blankets,
But not really
For when I do that, my head isn't on your chest
Your arms aren't locked around me
I can't look up into your eyes
And thus, I am still cold
It sounds funny to say
And it's funny how we sound so sappy
But maybe that's only to the people who haven't experienced this, you know?
Because I'm not going to stand here and deny that you are now my only source of warmth
As close as I am with four in the morning,
It doesn't stand a chance to you
And now I'm only writing this
Because it makes me feel closer to you
My should-be-sleeping mind feels sick,
Just wanting you to be here
Since I see you all the time
And we hardly get to actually just be
And just talk
I don't know what I'm saying, love
But I really miss you, and eleven minutes have passed
Eleven closer to when I can see you again