Counting

I can't make anyone believe that they're worth it
So I cry out to You, how many times have you heard this?

I spend my time trying not to be angry with God
For making me so emotional, it just feels wrong
These are chemical reactions going off in my brain
I'd talk to people, but they don't feel the same
There's a lump in my throat and tears fill my eyes
Dad says happiness is a choice, but I've been choosing it for a while
The INFP articles don't tell me how to get rid of it
So I pray to God, and tell Him that I'm sick of it
Meanwhile people come to me with their problems on hand
And I can help fix them, but my own I can't understand
You're clouded from me, I don't know what to do
'Cause maybe I'd be alright, if I could just see you

Yes, I Am Perfect.

I keep on looking

Back and forth

I keep on searching

But I'm not sure what for

You are a miracle for the pessimist

The rise in a slowing song

And I wasn't sure how to handle it

Especially now that you're gone 

It's like I'm living in a train wreck

Well, that is, my mind

Sorting through the damage

And dusting off what's mine

People tell me I'm the friend who smiles

A steady girl, my feet in place 

I guess I've never told them I'm 

Like the wind inside a hurricane

I'm tugged back and forth 

I fall and I fly

I'm taken for granted 

I'm closing my eyes

Needing to be needed 

Like I need to help someone 

But there's no one I can talk to

So I don't see the sun

It's an endless cycle of give and repeat

Where my time and emotions are taken from me

I'm finding it harder and harder to breathe

Because no one understands me like you do, you see

And nobody listens or gets it at all

They think I'm on top but all I do is fall

They swear that I'm perfect, and it's all I can do

To not scream my heart out and tell them the truth

I keep telling myself that I know what is real

And I don't need them to all know how I feel

They don't validate all that goes on inside

My life is not based upon what they realize

And now, I'm only talking to myself 

Because at the moment I don't have anyone else

It's hurting like crazy, but God isn't deaf

I miss you more than I can bear, and it's not over yet

And she wakes up again and again,
The hours run dry into the night
And she drives it further and further
Trying to prove to herself she exists

The harder the goodbye
The sweeter the hello
They say

Right.

How long are you going to

Walk on your own

Smile for show

Sleep in your clothes

Forget you're home?

How long are you going to

Laugh when they ask

Glue on a mask

Then fail at that

And never come back?

You know he's coming back home, right?

Right?

Exhaustion.

Ethan has my pillow to sleep on
Isaac has my shoulder to lean on
And you have my heart, dear, so be strong

They told me wish upon a star
But I'm still here, and you're still far

Well, I guess you never knew
That my first dream did come true

Breeze.

I see him everywhere
Like a ghost that's following me
Or maybe I'm following him
But we're stretched across the sea

"Thank you, Jesus, for this food, and I pray that you would..."


Help him carry on while he is away
And help me be stronger still, day after day
And let him be safe, and let him be safe
Don't let him get hurt in any possible way
And help me rely just fully on You
Help me carry out the things you want me to
Don't let him worry about me, let him have a good time
Comfort him, Lord, let him sleep at night
Protect his heart until he gets home
Jesus, remind him he's never alone
Help him be the light that you want him to be
He'll shine in the darkness so everyone can see
And help him be strong
Make it not take long
And don't let him get hurt
And don't let him get hurt
These aren't just words
Don't let him get--


"...bless it over our bodies.  In Jesus' name I pray, amen."

My words fall flat behind her
And I am just the sister

Strength.

Today was really, really long
And I'd like to say that I was strong
But I don't want "liar" written on my card
And I don't think my words can stretch that far
Yet I swore to myself that I'd bear all the weight
So I keep breaking that oath every time I say, "I'm great!"
Because I'm officially a liar, and good at it too
I  was falling apart and not that many knew
But thank you to the ones that did
Though I still feel like a kid
Crying in the blanket cause I feel alone
Words from others don't help me now, I just wanna go home
And they keep saying I'm gonna be okay
And yeah, I know that's true, but it doesn't take away the pain
You're right, God's the only one that can keep holding me up
And I have always known that, and I also know I'm stuck
This is a beautiful test, we wouldn't see stars without the dark
And I pray to God I'll pass, but that doesn't mean it's not hard
I'm concerned most for you though, I pray that you stay safe
I pray that you would lean on God in every single day
I pray that He would carry you, and that you'd know it's Him
I pray that you would be okay, and never give in
And this post kept getting longer, just like my Saturday
So darling, happy Fourth, and Independence Day
But I am overwhelmed
In case you couldn't tell
I'm overwhelmed that no one else understands
And I'm overwhelmed with the way that I am
And I'm overwhelmed that I'm so far from you
And that I can't hold my best friend as long as I want to
And I'm overwhelmed that I can't go to the same college
And I'm overwhelmed 'cause this space is too small and
I am SUCH a liar every minute of every day
Because I promised myself everything, I promised myself strength


But we'll get there one day.