I'm dragging my feet these days
I feel these pains every weekday
The problems I face are always the same
You'd think I learn to handle them, I think they're here to stay
I must become the lion-hearted girl
I must choose to see the good things in this world
I get through every day, but I want more than that
I'm trying so hard it makes me wanna hurl

Rebekah bought me a meaningful stuffed fox
Now I hold onto it wherever I go
I kiss it on the head as if it understands my problems
I hold it to my chest as if it has its own
But whatever gives you therapy, right?

I want to hold you all night
Not because that's what couples do
But because I need to feel your heartbeat
Because it helps me to remember mine
It helps to get me out of my mind

I'll feel better if I catch up on sleep
I'll feel better after the end of this week
I'll feel better when you come home to me
"Say whatever it takes, just don't drag your feet."

I'm sorry that I lose it now and then and yell at my brothers
I'm sorry if I spend more time with some than others
I'm sorry if I don't say hi as soon as I walk through the door
I'm sorry that I have so much to apologize for
But I'm tired.
I'm just tired.
I can't be all everyone wants me to me
I can't even write real poetry
They never taught me to hope in Sunday school
Though they must have-- perhaps I just forgot.

Nobody's watching
Drowning in words so sweet
Mild is the water
Caught is the bird once free

I don't mind









Billie Marten 

"Me, Mom, and Rebekah all deal with the same thing."



Then why am I the only one who can't handle it?

Please say that you'll keep track of me

I know sometimes I'm hard to see

You make me never wanna leave

Please promise one day you'll believe 

I watch the TV turn off
Another movie is gone
And I am left with my thoughts
Just as I was in the first place
I wish it all didn't hurt
Seeing him, losing her
But that's the way that life works
Kicks you smack in the face
I know there's gotta be
Purpose eventually
He's up behind the scenes
But how it kills in the meantime
I put my hand to my chest
And it came back all red
I pull words out of my head
And this is what they sound like
She's got a few boxes
That I keep in my closet
I know all the contents
So tonight I just wept
And I'll say, "Nah, I don't care
"I was already prepared,"
But I'll have had nightmares
Since the day that she left
Don't know what I'll do without her
Though I've already lost her
But I do know it sure hurts
I just hope nobody listens
'Cause I don't know how to grow
And I don't what how this goes
And I don't know how to hope
I just know that I miss him
I hope he'll be okay
Just do that for me, dear
Till we can cry in each other's arms again
Try to believe that I love you
I don't know how to cope
Somebody throw me a bone
I try it all on my own
Help me, God, to give you
All the pain in my chest
Every fear in my head
Only You give me rest
That's my one truth
Because I toss and I turn
And worry till I about burst
I guess that I just don't learn
This is the hard way
I wish that I could move on
I hope one day I'll be strong
I've needed You all along
One thing that won't change
Because the tension is sharp
And it gets through to my heart
Now everybody is scarred
And I'm bleeding
Mountains grow in my throat
And my hands have gone cold
Jesus Christ, You alone
Keep me breathing

Time

"Just go to sleep, just go to sleep"

But I don't wanna have bad dreams

They're crawling up and down my sheets

Waiting for a chance to get me 

There are jars full of notes on my sister's desk

There are lumps in my throat and thorns in my chest

They give me a speech and say it's all for the best

But I wasn't listening for the rest

I'm lying here tearing down the visions in my mind

Of how it would be if we gave it some time

Maybe one day time will heal something, but not tonight

So now we just focus on staying alive

There's a note in my journal left by someone

It says that I helped her and she loves me so much

Well if you love me, then why did you run?

But it's not fair to ask that, so I just write it once

Sometimes I'm still crying in the corner of the tree house

Sitting next to you and wondering why

Gravity's merciless, hearts are confusing

And nothing stands the test of time

One day I hope you believe that you mean more to me

Than the hugs that you give and when you tell me I'm pretty

Maybe it'll hit you, maybe you'll see

You're a beautiful puzzle, and I love every piece